20 - THE  BORGIAS   wiki

20 - THE  BORGIAS   wiki
... 20 days to go!

Sometimes the holiday season can be very stressful and we could really use a good laugh to get us back on track ... so, that is exactly what we would like to give you today ... a good chuckle!

Who knows, you might share some of these goodies with your family and friends, or maybe share one of your own favorites with all of us.


A Few Question & Answer Christmas Jokes

Q: What do elves learn at school?
A: The Elf-abet.

Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts!"

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Mistletoe.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho ho ho.

Q: What do you call a bunch of grans masters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swosh, Ho,Ho, Swosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door.

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at work?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!

Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all of the birds have flown south for the winter.

from Aha Jokes.com

"Twas The Night After Christmas

Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys, and I was camped out on my Lay-Z-Boy.

The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.

When out in the yard the dog started barkin', I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled "Roy, I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus.

I said "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus, and you ain't taken me in without probable cause." Then the sheriff he said "The man was shot at last night." I said "That might have been me, just what's he look like?"

The Sheriff replied "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry." I said "Sheriff that sound like my wifes sister Sherri."

"It's no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said. "The man I'm describing he's all dressed in red. I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean. Tell me what you've done, tell me what you have seen."

Well, I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn't have been the first time I've spent New Year's in jail. I said "Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again.

When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought that maybe she had senn one of them UFO's. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red.

Well, I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter. Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red's chimney this feller did run.

And slung on his back was this bag over flowin'. I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'. So I yelled "Drop fat boy, hands in the air." But he went about his business like he hadn't a care.

So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag, and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort "That's assault with intent Roy, I'll see ya in court."

by Jeff Foxworthy




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